While the days passed after I had submitted my petition, I was in almost daily contact with Bridget and Patrick, neither of whom had much more patience than I did. Bridget was busy digging around online, trying to find more random information on her own. Patrick and I were, by text, getting to know each other a little bit and were also keeping each other up to date with what was happening with each of our stories.
It turns out that Roger is friends with Patrick’s birth mom’s brother. Actually…the two families have known each other for many years. So once all this came up, eventually Patrick was able to make contact with his birth mom, “Annie”. That story belongs to them, though, so the details won’t be shared in this blog. Just know that it’s a happy one, and Patrick was sharing it with me as it slowly unfolded.
I had also reached out to Catholic Social Services (now known as Catholic Charities) to see if I would have any luck there. That was the agency that my adoption was through. I left several messages and waited. No response at first. When I did reach someone, I was told that I was doing everything I could through the court already and would need to wait. That agency is held to court orders as far as records access as well. So the days and the texts passed, and we waited, and we wondered…
On a Wednesday afternoon, about four weeks after the lunch with Roger and Susan, I got a text from Patrick. “I just got a Facebook friend request from Brenda, a cousin…and she is asking about you.” I remember having to sit down on my bed. Right after, he sent another message which was a forward of the one she sent to him. She explained her connection to the family and how happy she was to have learned about Patrick. She finished with, “On a side note, are you still in touch with Carrie?” He told me she would like to chat, and I couldn’t wait. He sent me to check my Facebook messages, where I found one from her. She had sent her phone number. So I messaged her right back and asked if she was free. “Call me”. So I did.
On the other end of the phone was the sweetest voice. She was so pleasant and just really wonderful, and I was a nervous wreck. Thank goodness, she got right to the point. She told me that she is the oldest daughter of Jack (the oldest brother in Lori’s family). What she said next will never, ever leave my memory. “You need to know that there are members of this family who believe that you are exactly who you think that you are.” What I remember after that was that I wasn’t able to not cry. I don’t know how to explain that kind of…I’m not even sure of the word…acceptance? The thing is, at this point, I really didn’t even know how many family members existed. I certainly didn’t know how many were aware that I had “appeared”. Beyond that, I had no way of knowing what anyone’s opinion of that could possibly be. But this. This was amazing.
We talked for at least an hour, I guess. She told me how she and her sisters had no idea that Lori had ever had a baby, but that the picture of the letter from 1994 had been shared around the family and that she and her sisters believed that Lori had written it. I couldn’t tell her how happy this made me. I told her that previously, Roger had made an effort to explain away various pieces of the letter. He admitted there were similarities, but thought there were “a lot of differences” as well. I mentioned that he had offered a DNA test to help rule the family out, but that I was hesitant. “Funny you mention that”, she said. Brenda had been researching labs in the area that would be able to do that type of test, and “Would you be willing to meet my dad this Saturday?” She thought it was time to stop waiting for court records.
I wasn’t sure what to say. I was so excited but also overwhelmed and a little intimidated. I got the sense that, within this family, there may be members who felt very differently about me and this situation. Obviously I had no way of knowing whether or not that was true, but that’s how I was feeling. But I did agree to the test. More on that in a minute.
If I’m really going to honestly cover my feelings at that time, I can’t leave out what was created by the constant comparison (within me) between my own experience and Patrick’s. This became part of the conversation with Brenda that day, too. I’m telling you…she is AWESOME. But anyway, here’s kind of what was going on. There was no mystery about Patrick. Everybody knew about him. At least Craig’s siblings did. So when he “popped up”, Craig’s family was very happy to have found him. By the time Brenda called me, Patrick was already in touch with his birth mom, and there was now a plan in place for a really nice family party for him, given by Roger and the rest of Craig’s family. I was an invited guest, and I was very happy to be included, and I really WAS so happy for Patrick. But it would not be truthful to say that I also wasn’t really hurting at that time. I mean, I just KNEW I was Lori’s baby. I wanted so much for everyone else to know it, too.
I would go over and over it in my mind. AncestryDNA had linked me to two of her nephews. The letter from 1994 matched an awful lot of details of her life. My pre-adoption name was her last name. I needed to remind myself that I was the only one who knew that piece, though. Brenda and I talked about all the rest, including Patrick’s party. She lives out of town, and wouldn’t be there, but told me that it’s a big reason why she called. It bothered her that there was a party being held for Patrick, and in her words, “what about Carrie?!” Now, to be clear, this is not about needing a party. I was needing acceptance. What I said then, and have said since, is that I never dreamed of a scenario in which I would have to prove my very existence, and it was not easy. I was determined to do it, though. So yes, I would take that DNA test.
I met Jack that Saturday morning. He greeted me with a smile and a warm hug, and we made small talk while we got our cheeks swabbed. I don’t know how he felt, but I just kept thinking that I couldn’t believe any of this. When we were finished, he treated me to a donut at the bakery next door, and we chatted a while. Some talk about each other’s families, my kids, his kids and grandkids. He told me he was pretty sure the test would be positive. He felt that the letter was Lori’s, and he said, “You look like her, and you sound like her”. I don’t remember what I said, but I will never forget that moment either. And as I’m writing this right now…it’s another moment when I stop and think about how that must have felt for him. How surreal, maybe? Maybe difficult? I’m standing there, out of the blue, reminding him of his sister who he lost years ago…and I might be a baby he never knew she had. I’m so thankful to him for coming to meet me that day. We had another week to wait for results.
My Big Little Miracle 