So, when I wrote the most recent update about how my relationship with Lori’s family has progressed, I ended by saying that Roger and Trish get their own entry…here it is.
In April of 2019, when I sent messages to Lori’s sibs wondering if I could be her baby, Roger was the first to respond. While I was disappointed that, at that time, he didn’t see how it could be possible, I was struck by a few things.
First, he didn’t have to respond at all. He was pretty certain I was wrong, and he had good reason to believe that. Additionally, he went on to include his siblings- to be sure that he was remembering things accurately. He didn’t really have to do that either. I feel like he had to know that bringing up something like that would be upsetting on some level to all of them, and I can imagine as the one bringing the news, that was a difficult place to be.
Second, I also remember his careful choice of words, and his kindness. I did genuinely feel that he wanted to help me find the truth. Specifically, I remember the day I met him and Susan for lunch. He offered all kinds of help. I really did appreciate that- I just believed the answers were sitting right next to me, and I wasn’t yet able to prove it.
I will say that when Patrick came into the picture, there was a period when I felt hurt by the difference in how Patrick and I were treated at the time. Let me say real quick two things- first, I’m pretty sure I mentioned this briefly when I posted about Patrick. Second, I completely understood- then and now- what was happening and why. But the part of my story that was difficult emotionally is real so I can’t leave it out.
To be clear, though, at no time has anyone in Lori’s family ever been anything but kind to me, especially Roger. It’s hard to look back and pinpoint specific things, but generally, I was communicating regularly with Patrick. He was telling me about regular text conversations, and just general excitement about his being “found”. But everyone KNEW that he had been born, so his story is different than mine. At that time, I wanted the same welcome, but just felt I was kind of kept at arm’s length. It was tough.
Since I did finally get all my records and prove who I am, though, no one has been more part of my life now than Roger. Again…EVERYONE has been awesome. But he’s just been the one who has communicated with me the most, and we’ve spent more time together than I’ve had the chance to do with others. He was the first to be supportive of me writing this blog and telling my story, and he has said clearly to me that he is proud to say that I’m his niece. ❤️ I know now that, last year, any of the “arm’s length” feeling I was getting is because he was trying to protect me. The idea of me being Lori’s daughter seemed so impossible at one time, and he knew how strongly I felt that it was possible, and that I was pretty excited about it. He knew that, if it was proved not to be true, I was going to be getting hurt. He was doing what he could to try to avoid that if possible.
I met Trish, Roger’s wife, at the party for Patrick. Last winter, though, I was invited to an engagement party for one of my “new” cousins, and we had a chance to visit a little bit. She asked if I’d like to go to lunch sometime and get to know each other. Of course I would- I was so touched that she offered.
We ended up meeting for brunch, and early on she wanted to hear the whole story from my point of view. Wow. Up to then, no one had really asked me what it all had been like for me. So, I just started from the beginning. Much like this blog, I told her how I was turned away in 1994, but had a letter from my birth mother. I told her about Bridget, and how she pushed me toward all of this. The whole story just came right out as it has in this blog.
Trish was the one who told me about the Roger “behind the scenes” who was trying to protect me. All the while, he was the point person for communications with five other siblings all of whom I’m sure had various views and emotions about it all. It was a LOT to take in. Not to mention, he had to have his own feelings about it. She was his sister, too. He was very young when I was born, but it’s not only hard to believe, but also difficult to realize that she was never able to talk about it. To him, or any of them.
We went on to have a great visit. For the record, she is REALLY funny. I enjoyed my time with her so much. More recently, she and I made a little road trip to visit Susan and her two kids who live near her, Katie and Pete, and their families. We had a great time. Trish and I had lots of time to talk on the drive, and we had a really nice visit with everyone.
A few months ago, Trish and Roger came for dinner. They brought me some of Lori’s things. After she passed, and they cleaned out her apartment, there were some things they kept and wanted to share with me. They brought me her cookbook- that’s my favorite. Apparently she was a good cook, and some of the recipes are in her handwriting. She also was a collector of little Swarovski crystal figurines, and I have a few of those. I’m not really a collector, but they’re small and cute- and one of them is an angel, which I love. Besides, I like when conversation comes around to Lori. I like hearing about her.
There were brief moments, earlier in the blog, when I feel like Roger could have been seen in a negative light. I wanted to be sure to take time to be sure that he’s presented accurately. He’s kind, loving, supportive, generous…all the good things. I should add that he’s pretty funny, too- but he’s reading this blog and I don’t want him getting too confident. Just kidding, Roger!😉
My Big Little Miracle 