5. Messaging and Meeting

I sent messages to two brothers and one sister of “Lori”‘s. I told them that I had been doing some work on Ancestry.com, which had linked me to one of their nephews. Then I explained that a further search led me to his father (their brother) and an obituary for their sister. After that, I asked if they knew whether she had given up a baby for adoption in 1973…because I felt that baby might be me. I also told them that although I wasn’t looking for anything from them, I did hope that they might be willing to meet with me. I was hopeful for the chance to share with her family that she had made a beautiful and selfless choice, and that I have had a happy life with wonderful parents. I was also hopeful to learn more about the person she was. I sent the messages, and then I prayed, and I waited.

It was about 24 hours before I received a response, and it was from who I now know to be Lori’s youngest brother, “Roger”. He wanted to tell me that he received my message and was trying to coordinate a time for he and his sister “Susan” to meet with me. However, he wanted to let me know that my birth date was “inconsistent with a time when Lori may have had a baby”. I was a little disappointed, but I wasn’t discouraged. I knew there had to be a mistake somewhere, and that it was a matter of figuring it out. We messaged back and forth, because it was very important to me to clarify that I wasn’t intending to cause trouble of any kind, but that I was only looking for answers. He couldn’t have been more kind…he really didn’t see how it was possible, but still wanted to help me find answers. Looking back, I’m beyond thankful for this. He most certainly could have told me to get lost.

We made plans to meet for lunch the following week, but before we wrapped up the online conversation, I couldn’t help but to keep asking questions. On one hand, I felt like I was being pushy, and on the other I just couldn’t wait! He ended up creating a group chat, adding Susan to the conversation. (The other brother that I had messaged eventually did respond to say that he knew his siblings were helping me, and trusted that they would help as much as they could) While we were messaging, I had gotten out the letter from 1994, and was asking questions about details stated in the letter. I even sent them a picture of the letter. Susan did admit that the letter seemed “quite accurate” but couldn’t explain it due to the timing.

I was also re-reading Roger’s message about a “time when [Lori] may have had a baby”. May have? Was that in question? So, I asked him. “Do you know that she did have a baby? Do you know when?” He told me that she did, but that her baby was born in 1964. Honestly, my first thought was, is this date a mistake? I know just enough about unwed pregnancies back then to know that people did a LOT of unusual things to hide pregnancies, so I wondered if maybe the date had been misreported? Although, I also realized that nine years is a long time to fudge a birth date. Hmm. Susan went on to explain that she remembered it all quite accurately. She was only two years younger than Lori, and that it was certainly 1964. OK. I knew there HAD to be more to this story, but I needed to let it go until I could get more information.

But I still needed to tell them about Patrick!! For whatever reason, I sent THAT first message to Roger only. I apologized, as I knew I was coming at him with a TON of heavy stuff in a short time. But I asked if he knew if his late brother “Craig” fathered a child that was adopted as well. I explained how Patrick and I came to be in touch, and that although he had never pursued his birth family before, he was interested in whether anyone knew about him. Roger responded with a “WOW. That is a lot to take in.” But that he (and the family) did know about Craig’s baby, and he was happy to hear that he was happy and well. That evening, Patrick and Roger had each other’s phone numbers, and Patrick’s journey to his birth family started. In the meantime, I had a lunch date to look forward to!

It was a very sunny Tuesday afternoon, about a week later, when we all met for lunch at one of my favorite places. Roger had suggested it and I just got lucky. They were already there when I arrived, and both stood to greet me with big smiles and warm hugs. I was searching their faces for familial resemblances. I felt like my nose and Susan’s were similar, but couldn’t decide if they really were, or if I was just too hopeful. The conversation was easy and friendly, and eventually got to why we were there. Susan primarily talked about the baby that was born in 1964, or what she knew of it. I say that because, as it was in many cases at that time, Lori was kicked out of school and sent away to have the baby. She didn’t return until long after that. None of Lori’s siblings ever saw the baby, and didn’t even know an exact date of birth, but she did remember that it was 1964. She went on to talk about what it was like, in general, back then for unwed girls. She spoke of the shame that was brought on girls and their families, and how that translated to the reaction Lori got from their father. I’m pretty sure I remember her using the word “armageddon”. As she spoke, my heart started to break for Lori. I had heard things like this, but to hear it in detail, applied to a specific person, was difficult. How traumatic that must have been…ripped away from her life, from a boy she loved, from her school and friends, and then a baby taken from her. When she finally did come home, it was never to be spoken of again. Awful.

Roger offered to get a DNA test done between him and me. He felt that it was unlikely that I was Lori’s baby, so if he could help rule their family out, it might help point me in the direction of the correct birth family. It was very generous of him, but I hated to ask him to do it if it wasn’t necessary. Besides, I was hoping to get my hands on my original Birth Certificate. If I could do that, I’d have everything I needed. Susan casually asked if I was driven to any of this because I was concerned about my medical history. I really wasn’t. Then she said, “we have something in our family called HHT”. I had never heard of it. She described it as a vascular disease, and that she had it. She pointed out little pink spots on her lips and tongue that 1. I would never have noticed but 2. are apparently signs of the disease.

We wrapped up lunch with a plan for me to head directly to the court house to see about getting my Birth Certificate. They asked me to keep in touch, and let them know what I was able to find out, and I promised I would. More smiles and hugs were exchanged before I left.

Before the end of that day, I was about to get one big confirmation…and start a whole second journey.