21. An Unexpected Message

It’s been a month since our boys’ procedures. I didn’t think it would be this long before I’d write again. It’s not that I don’t have more to say, but honestly, life in general has gotten slightly more normal than it’s been since March and the arrival of Coronavirus- which means we’ve been busier. We are all staying safe and healthy. We get outside as much as we can and stay in small groups when we see our friends and families. But, man! We sure are happy to be back to school and sports…even if things are still limited. It feels great.

The boys are back to full activities now with no restrictions. They just started their 7th grade year and Maggie is a Freshman. The boys will have follow-up imaging in about 5 months. They had no complications and complained of absolutely no pain post-procedure. We are thankful every day.

In early August, my cousin Jen celebrated her 50th birthday. This was of course before the procedures, but I wasn’t ready to write about this right away. And then it was important to talk about my boys first- so the order of events is mixed up but the story is the same.

Normally, we (Jen and a couple of friends and I) would have planned a weekend away for this. We talked about it, but COVID restrictions made us change our minds. Ultimately, we made a plan to come to Jen’s house and have a “slumber party” that weekend. Just the four of us. It was great. The weather was perfect and we spent two long sunny days sitting on her deck, talking and laughing and enjoying time with each other. We brought in everything we needed to eat and drink so we never had to leave once. It was super relaxing and perfect.

Before the weekend came, I had the idea to invite my friend and Intuitive Healer, Moira, to come for a birthday session. The girls agreed. We all thought it would for sure be something different, and something we could do easily since she could come to us. I contacted Moira and she thought it was a great idea.

The plan was that she would arrive Saturday afternoon. Each of us would meet with her individually, and her session would vary depending on the needs/wants of each person. When she got there, she set up a little spot on Jen’s front porch. It was shaded and breezy, with two chairs facing each other and a small table between.

I think Jen may have gone first, and then me. I don’t remember- but I’m not here to tell her story or the others. But I’ll tell you what happened to me. First, I want to say that when I scheduled Moira, she asked me if there was anyone I was hoping to “hear from” during my session. As in channeling. I told her no, and that was true. This was really about Jen’s birthday. For me, I just thought any kind of mind/thought/emotional cleansing/meditation would be good. Certainly couldn’t be bad, right?

As soon as I finished that conversation with Moira and the appointment was scheduled, my birth father came to my mind. It was sudden and very clear- like out of nowhere. It was odd, because I don’t think of him often. And I literally thought to myself, “Well, if you’ve got something to say…maybe this is your chance”. And I went about folding my laundry.

So now it’s a week or two later and I’m on Jen’s front porch with Moira. When I sat down, she asked again: “Is there anyone you’re hoping to hear from?”. Again, I told her there wasn’t. I wasn’t lying. And the three people who were on my mind that day (not sure why) were my mom, my dad, and my sister- all of whom have passed away. They were right in the front of my mind and no one else. Not even Lori.

Moira closed her eyes and “settled in” as she says. Several seconds later, she told me that she felt a strong nudge on her right shoulder, and that she had chills, and her arms were heavy. “Did you tell me that your birth father had passed?”, she said. I told her that he had. “It’s him. He’s here.”

Wow. So I just sat there, stunned. She started talking and I listened. And as I’m typing this I am well aware that what I’m saying is not for everyone and that’s ok…but I’m telling my story and what I heard and felt and although it was Moira talking I felt a sense of connection that day.

Moira told me that at first he just stood there. Almost nervous. But eventually, through Moira, he “said” that he did know about me. He knew Lori was pregnant and did nothing to help her, and he was sorry about it. He knew that he acted as a “wimp” and wanted me to know that although he left…the fact that he made that choice never left him. It bothered him for the rest of his life. He also wanted me to know that he can “see” me now, and can see how I’ve grown up and he thinks I’m “just awesome”, and he “couldn’t believe that he could make something so awesome” and that “I must get it from my mother”. Moira said that all this time, he was behind her right shoulder, and that my parents were directly behind her, aware of and happy about all of this. He then gestured to them in a respectful way, sort of paying homage to them for taking care of me and raising me so well.

This was all a lot to take in, as it happened over maybe 2-3 minutes? When she finished talking, I took a deep breath and said something very similar to this. “I don’t know how any of this works. But I’m going to say some things in case he can hear me. I really appreciate all of this. Knowing this. I’ve had a lot of negative feelings toward him. Not so much because of me- I’m very happy with my life. If he had acted differently, my life may not be what it is now. But I was very angry for how it appeared that he treated Lori. She was left to handle all of this alone and that wasn’t fair. I want him to know that I forgive him. I’m not going to hold onto this anger anymore. And I just wanted to say that.”

Moira was smiling bigger and bigger the whole time I was talking. When I finished, she told me that my forgiveness had lifted a great burden off his soul. I hope that’s true. The session ended after that, and Moira and I just looked at each other like…woah. Did that just happen?! I sure didn’t see that coming.

Since then, I have a complete sense of peace and forgiveness when I think of him. It’s completely different now than before. Of course I wish things had been different- I would wish that Lori wouldn’t have had to suffer so much alone. But it gives me peace knowing that although he may have been a “wimp”, it wasn’t that he didn’t care. He just couldn’t handle it and ran.

Like I said, I realize that there are some who won’t be on board with what I’m talking about here for one reason or the other and that’s ok. I found great comfort and peace, and that’s good enough for me.