24. Derek

It’s time to introduce anyone who doesn’t know him, to my husband. He is the behind-the-scenes, absolute number one supporter for me through this whole thing. Really, since June 30, 2001…our first date.

We met at the Fort Thomas Pub, a local bar…I had just been to a play with a friend, he was there with his softball team after a game. That night he introduced himself and we talked a little before he left. Two weeks later I was there again with friends on softball night. Toward the end of the evening his friends “left him” and he needed a ride home, so I drove him home. And yes, I left him there and I went home too. But our first date was two nights later and the rest is history.

The truth is, I did have a little trouble adjusting to him. We were in our late 20’s and I had been having terrible luck in dating and in love. When he came along, everything was going so well that I almost threw it away. We got along so well, and things seemed to be moving fast and I was falling for him. I just *knew* things would eventually fall apart (as they always had before) and this time was really going to hurt…so I pulled back. I remember going to NYC for a weekend to visit my friend Deb and not really knowing what to do when I got home. This was 2001, so there was no texting, so he and I didn’t talk all weekend.

He called when I got home, and I went to see him. I told him how I was feeling. He was so patient and understanding, and told me that we could slow things down if that’s what I needed…he just wanted to be together. From that night I knew he was the one for me.

We had a very fun bunch of months together before we were engaged on May 22, 2002. He spoke to my father, and gave me his grandmother’s ring. Both of those things made me really happy. We were married on February 1, 2003, and that although the weather was not pretty, it was a happy, happy day…and what a party.

From that day, Derek has been the household handyman, fixing things, finishing basements, replacing a roof, building a clubhouse- the only thing I do better than he does is paint. He is the lawn care specialist- he used to work in landscaping and nobody stripes a lawn and mulches like this guy. He is a cook and grill master- these skills have only gotten better with time. He watches Food Network and tries new things, his chili and smoked pork shoulder are ridiculous, and his tailgates are legendary. He grilled a steak for our anniversary this year that rivaled any high end steakhouse.

When the kids came along, he has always been a hands on Daddy/Dad/Father. He never hesitated to get up in the middle of the night to help me with feedings or diapers or to crawl around in the dark looking for binkys that our twins had tossed on the floor. When those same twins were 8-9 months old, he sent me on a girls weekend to St Louis just to get a little break and held down the fort like a BOSS with three kids 2 and under. Off I went with my breast pump, and I slept until 10am on a Saturday that weekend and I will NEVER forget it. He is a coach to all of his kids. Whether officially on the team, or just coaching them at home with his advice and pep talks (and these days, dad jokes). They know he has their backs always.

If I tried to tell you all the ways this man has supported me, you, the reader, might get tired of it. It’s a lot. He has a great big heart that thinks of others first. But, when it comes to this blog and this story…I want to be sure to tell this piece.

I’ve tried to put myself in his shoes, and imagine what all of this looks like from his side. It’s hard to do. But, in the past two years, I have discovered my birth family. In doing so, I’ve found that not only I, but also all three of our children, have a hereditary disease. Three of us have needed surgical intervention. He was beside us all, praying for us and seeing us through.

Throughout the same two years, there also have now been many gatherings I’ve asked Derek (and some included our kids) to attend with the family, because I’m included now and I want to be there. Early on, I was trying to meet and get to know them. Now, I’ve grown to truly love and enjoy them.

Here’s what struck me, though, and let me know I needed to write this post and write it now. Last weekend we attended a graduation party for Roger’s middle son. It was a great time. But, I was watching Derek with Roger and Brian (my uncles), and they’re all having drinks and cigars, and talking and smiling like they’ve known each other forever. And I’m looking at Derek and wondering how many husbands would have jumped into this like he has and embraced it and this family he has. Maybe he’s not the only one, but I bet it’s not every one.

I have mentioned that I have been blessed with many miracles, and I have. But one of them came along in 2001. Thank you for being so wonderful to me, Derek, always. I love you.