26. Overwhelmed

I have been meaning to write this post for a few weeks and haven’t found the time. But September 12 is the anniversary of my adoption, so today feels like a good day.

In August of this year, Derek and I had the distinct honor to be invited to two weddings of two of my cousins from my birth family, and we were able to attend both of them. All I can say is wow…how absolutely beautiful they both were! Both brides were stunning, both grooms so handsome. The venues carefully and wonderfully chosen, not one detail missed. We certainly felt special as the guests of both couples, so I’m sure everyone else did, too. They were two wonderful celebrations.

The first of the two weddings involved some travel as it was out of state. Derek and I got to enjoy a weekend away in sunny southern California. It was such a great weekend for us. We rented a convertible and got to spend a little away time together before and after the wedding which is a rare thing.

The extra time in California also meant extra time meeting and getting to know the friends and family of the bride and groom, and spending some time with members of my new family that I don’t usually get to do. It was really, really great. Everyone, literally EVERYONE was so warm and welcoming. I worked really hard at remembering the names of all the friends which they all found funny at first…but it was important to me to try to learn them. We were going to be together all weekend.

The day of the wedding, while the family and wedding party were busy, a few of the friends and guests spent the morning and early afternoon at the pool. It was there that my connection to the family came up. Somehow it came into conversation that I’m the bride’s cousin, but also that I had only known her since 2019. Soooo….then I ended up telling my story again. 🙂 And their friends were so sweet, and expressing their amazement, etc. And I agreed completely.

We went on to the wedding, reception, and after party. All of which were perfect in our eyes. Just a great, great time with wonderful people. The next morning we met some friends and family for brunch, and those who stayed around went back to the pool. Luckily Derek and I extended the trip through Monday so we weren’t going anywhere.

It was another beautiful sunny day. I don’t think we saw a cloud all weekend. We sat with friends and family on the edge of the pool, Derek enjoying Lagunitas IPA’s, and I was sipping on Blueberry Dreams and Aperol Spritz’s (thanks Ruthie!), all talking and laughing, remembering the night before and how much fun we all had. Until somehow, at some point, the conversation circled back to me again.

I really don’t remember how that happened, but I do remember feeling a little hesitant about it, because this weekend wasn’t about me. But Jill (the bride) was totally gracious as always and encouraged me to talk when asked about it.

I remember just sort of briefly reviewing how I found my birth family, and kind of hitting the big points of what it has meant for me and my family. But what I really remember is what struck me that day sitting on the side of that pool that left me completely overwhelmed. I may not remember the words exactly, but this is generally what I said, and it is certainly how I feel.

As a kid, I would wonder about who the people were that I came from. You know, like my birth parents, and their families. And when you think of that as an adopted kid, you know that it can be anybody- an addict, or a millionaire or anyone in between – but what you know is that it wasn’t a happy ending or you’d still be with them. But, when I imagined them, I hoped that they were good people who just had an unfortunate story. And I wondered if I’d ever find out.

Then, I get to the age of 21. I petition the court for my records, and within a few short months, it looks like I’m not ever going to know anything about these people or my story. I’m not happy about it, but that’s what it is and life goes on.

20+ years later, Ancestry DNA exists and I have a hairdresser that won’t take no for an answer. And now, I’m sitting on the side of this pool, and I can’t believe that this is my life. (and at this point I’m getting emotional…as I do…and I’m getting weepy) I have said before that, in terms of finding a birth family, I have hit the absolute jackpot. This life is a fairy tale to me. Are they perfect? No. Neither am I. Is my life perfect? No! But could I have written it better? I don’t think so, and here’s what I mean.

I was born to a woman who wasn’t able to care for me. Still, she gave me life. What that took for her to do that I will never know. And what that took for her to keep that secret for the rest of her life must have been so difficult. She gave me literally everything. Then, I was placed with two parents who loved me and raised me well with two siblings and gave me a happy childhood, a strong faith, a safe home, an education..everything I needed. And then I lost them both, way too soon. They were both gone by the time I was 37.

But now, to be accepted and embraced by the family of Lori, my birth mother…it’s just so big. What I have said to my friends is this- I don’t understand how you get lucky enough to get one wonderful family in a lifetime, but I’ve got TWO. It’s just really a lot to wrap your mind around. It’s such a gift. This family is so big there are some that I’m still getting to know, but I’m so happy to be part of it.

And I am totally overwhelmed.